


liability

by kngysng



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Blind Character, Headaches & Migraines, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Indulgent, Sickfic, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 08:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25846777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kngysng/pseuds/kngysng
Summary: Being alone while unable to see his surroundings is too much for Yeosang to handle just yet.
Relationships: Kang Yeosang/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 6
Kudos: 109





	liability

**Author's Note:**

> read the tags carefully!! this fic includes vomiting and an anxiety attack

Yeosang wakes up with a migraine. 

They're a weekly occurrence these days. Just another side effect of his brain injury, but they haven't gotten any easier to deal with. They're painful, annoying, and drastically lowers Yeosang's ability to function, which isn't very high at all to begin with. Stupid car accident. It's fucked him up well. 

Seonghwa fusses over him. He brings him a glass of water, holding it for Yeosang as he brings it up to his lips. Usually, Yeosang would rather do things like eating and drinking on his own but he can't trust himself when he's unwell like this. So he accepts Seonghwa's help. After taking a sip of water, he downs a pair of painkillers. Hopefully they'll work fast, if they do at all. It's usually hit and miss with them. 

Yeosang's head is _throbbing_. He wants to cry, but he knows it'll only make it worse, so he just tries his best to hold in his tears.

Yeosang clings onto Seonghwa, gripping Seonghwa's t-shirt in his fists like his life depends on it. It feels like it does. Having Seonghwa near is the only thing that makes Yeosang feel safe in his newly dark world.

"Stay with me," Yeosang tells him. "Please?" 

"Yeah, of course," Seonghwa says, as soft as always. 

They lay together, Seonghwa holding Yeosang in his arms as Yeosang cuddles up to him, laying his head on Seonghwa's chest. It still kills Yeosang, no longer being able to see Seonghwa. But he can smell his cologne, can hear his heart beating away, can feel his gentle hands, and Yeosang is glad to still have those things at least. 

Usually, if the painkillers are going to work they begin doing their magic within fifteen minutes, but it's been half an hour now and Yeosang's head still feels like it's going to split open. 

_Again,_ a voice whispers.

The pain makes Yeosang feel sick. He doesn't want to leave Seonghwa's embrace, but he sits up and takes a few deep breaths, trying to fight the nausea. Seonghwa rubs comforting circles on his back as he does. 

"Should I get the trash bin?" Seonghwa asks. Yeosang nods.

Seonghwa gets out of bed, and anxiety immediately threatens to overtake Yeosang as he sits there, alone. Alone. It's only for about thirty seconds as Seonghwa grabs the small bin out the bathroom, but it's enough to have Yeosang's heart racing by the time he gets back. His stomach painfully twists, the anxiety boosting his nausea. He waves his hand to signal to Seonghwa that he needs the bin, now.

Vomiting has become another common event in their lives, but again, Yeosang still hasn't been able to 'get used to it'. He hates it. His throat burns and there's tears in his eyes as he violently heaves into the bin. Seonghwa pets his hair with his free hand. "It's okay, you're okay," he says. 

Yeosang wants to scream about how nothing about this is okay.

He's exhausted by the time he's finished, his stomach completely emptied. Seonghwa brings him a damp washcloth to wipe his mouth with. Usually, Yeosang would also brush his teeth, but he honestly doesn't have it in him right now, so he's just going to have to deal with his disgusting breath and the aftertaste of vomit.

Yeosang collapses back onto the bed, curling up as he takes shuddering breaths. His migraine has gotten worse. He feels like death. Seonghwa tries to pull him back into his arms, but Yeosang flinches away from his touch. It's just too much right now, he's feeling way too overstimulated. Seonghwa understands. He always does. Yeosang both loves and hates him for it. He sometimes wishes Seonghwa would just lose his shit, just once, and scream at Yeosang about how much he needs to pull himself together.

Seonghwa would never do that though. He's too good.

Yeosang doesn't really know why he hates himself so much. The accident wasn't his fault. He can't help what it's done to him.

His eyelids flutter, feeling heavy. He's tired. He wants to go to sleep. Napping usually does help get rid of the migraines, so Yeosang allows his eyes to shut and soon enough, he's deep into sleep.

  
-  
  


At one point, Yeosang drifts into that weird space between sleep and awake. 

He whimpers - his head still hurts, so much. He flails his arm out to make sure Seonghwa is still there, and he is. Yeosang can feel him. 

He takes Yeosang's hand. "I'm here," he says. Yeosang moves his mouth to say thanks, but no sound comes out. He's already slipping back into sleep.

  
-  
  


Yeosang fully wakes up sometime later. Out of habit still, he turns his head to the side to look at his alarm clock that sits on the bedside table. Then he realizes - oh, yes, he can't see.

He wonders if he'll ever get used to that.

The pain in his head has dulled significantly, thank God. It still hurts but it's much more bearable than it had been earlier. Yeosang is relieved the nap seems to have worked. There's been some very horrific days when the migraines lasted all day, no amount of sleep or medication helping to ease them. Most of those were during the early days after the accident, in the hospital. It was hell.

Yeosang yawns as he stretches. He realizes that he's very hungry. Maybe he can eat something and be able to keep it down now that the migraine has died off some.

"Seonghwa?" he says, reaching over to find him. Yeosang thought it was strange he hadn't said anything yet, but maybe he was asleep himself. All of this makes him just as exhausted as it does Yeosang. 

But Seonghwa isn't here. Yeosang frowns as he pats the empty side of the bed, his heart already picking up speed. "Seonghwa?" he calls louder. Maybe he's just in the master bathroom. 

No answer. 

"Seonghwa?" Yeosang calls again. Nothing.

Yeosang's stomach is beginning to cramp again with anxiety. His chest grows tight. Where is Seonghwa? He knows Yeosang doesn't like to be left alone. He knows he should always stay within earshot of Yeosang, at least, so that he'll hear him whenever Yeosang needs him. 

Yeosang's chest hurts. He places a trembling hand over his racing heart, and tries to calm himself down but it isn't working. It's getting harder to breathe with every second that passes by. "Seong-" he tries to call again, but it's barely a whisper. His tongue feels numb. Why does it feel like that? Why is he getting so lightheaded?

Yeosang lets out a whine. He needs help. He tries to make himself get out of bed, so he can find Seonghwa, but he's frozen. He's too scared. The thought of wandering around alone, even in his own house, which he's gotten to know pretty well while blind, is terrifying. He is stuck.

Tears begin to fall. Yeosang's breathing becomes erratic - he's hyperventilating, and then he's sobbing as well. He's scared out of his mind. And he's alone.

Yeosang tries a few more times to call Seonghwa, but he can't speak. He's crying too hard, and he can't catch his breath. It feels like he's dying. 

Then Yeosang hears it - the sound of hurried footsteps approaching the bedroom. 

The door swings open. "Yeosang?" Seonghwa says, panicked. 

He sits down on the bed and immediately gathers Yeosang in his arms. Yeosang just begins to sob harder, relieved that Seonghwa is finally here. He buries his face into the older man's chest and just cries, terrible sobs wrecking through his body. Yeosang knows he's being stupid. He knows he's overreacting. But that was the most frightened he's ever been, other than the first time he woke up after the accident and was met with a world full of pain and nothing. 

Being alone while unable to see his surroundings is too much for him to handle just yet. 

Seonghwa is crying too. Yeosang can feel him shaking, and can hear how his breath shudders. It makes Yeosang feel so, so guilty for upsetting him. He's made Seonghwa cry so much since the beginning of all this. Yet Seonghwa is the one comforting _him_ each and every time.

Yeosang doesn't deserve him.

It takes a while for the both of them to calm down. Yeosang's sobs eventually dies down into sniffles, and his tight grip on Seonghwa's clothes loosens. The fear is subsiding and he's beginning to feel okay again. But just okay.

Seonghwa's tears have stopped too. He presses his lips to Yeosang's forehead, letting them linger for a bit before he pulls away to speak. "Are you alright now?" he asks, his voice low.

Yeosang nods. 

"I'm sorry," Seonghwa says, his voice shaking like he's going to cry again but he keeps himself under control. "I had work to do - I was just in a Zoom meeting. I didn't hear you."

Yeosang could slap himself. He _knew_ that. He knew Seonghwa had to work, and he knew about his meeting. Seonghwa had told him about it last night over dinner. It had just completely slipped his mind. The fear had consumed him.

"It's okay," Yeosang tries to smile, but he's sure it looks more like a grimace. "I'm sorry for being like this."

"No, don't apologize," Seonghwa whispers. "You're still healing. It's still new. It's okay to be scared."

Yeosang can only nod, because he's afraid if he were to try to speak, he would only break down into tears again. 

**Author's Note:**

> sry for the wonky ending buuuuut yeah i always struggle with endings lol
> 
> a lil backstory yeosang was in an accident and he's suffering from a TBI that's caused him to go blind. poor bab is having a tough time adjusting. i have so much of this au in my head but who knows if i'll write more or not!
> 
> btw i'm not blind and have never interacted with a blind person, what i know is from internet research. if you feel like i've written harmful representation don't hesitate to let me know
> 
> thanks for reading and comments are appreciated :)


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